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07/17/07
Two years. What does that mean to you? I can tell you what it means to Janelle, Alexa and I. 730 days, 17,520 hours, 1,051,200 minutes and 63,072,000 seconds without Daegen here on earth. A person can accomplish quite a bit in that amount of time. I can only imagine what Daegen would have accomplished. Going to his first day of Kindergarten, making new friends, getting into a disagreement with his new friend. He would have blown out candles on his birthday cakes. He would have enjoyed the Disney Cruise that he was supposed to go on. He would run around his new house and explore with eagerness the 3.25 acres of land that would have been his world to conquer. He would have walked across the stage as he graduated Kindergarten,. He would have at least 100 new Thomas the Trains. He would have had his hair cut not because it was falling out but because it was growing like crazy. He would have had his first sleep over with friends at our house. He would have played t-ball in the summer and enjoyed the swimming pool. He would start reading and learn to tie his shoes. I am sure he would have visited his friends at KU Med, especially Ellen. He would have kissed his mom, big sister and me good night at least 730 times. He would have told Janelle how beautiful she is about 10,000 times, getting me in trouble. He would have picked all of the Tulips at our old house as they were his favorite flowers. He and Jalyn would have jumped till their legs became jello on the trampoline. He would have sung “Independence Day” at least 500 times. He would have hugged his nanas and papas and told them how much he loved them. He would have enjoyed Alexa’s new rabbit that is named Mocha Memphis. I could see him looking at the bunny and holding her saying how cute she is. He would have picked out the colors of his new room and helped paint it. He would have eaten about 26,429 chicken nuggets from Wendy’s. He would have ridden the mini train at Gage Park and rode his bike around the new neighborhood. He would have watched his tribute video over and over again always saying how great it was. He would have eaten ice cream with his friend Richard Davies from St. Jude. He would have given Mr. G Juicy Fruit every day he visited. He would have played with his friend Zach until the two were so tired they needed to go to bed. He would have watched Maisy, Caillou, Maggie and the Ferocious Beast, Dragon Tales, Thomas the Train or his many other favorite shows in the morning as he sat in his Finding Nemo hospital scrub pants and no shirt sipping his Capri Sun all while sitting on the purple couch in his spot. He would have sent several of his Thomas Trains, paper cranes or knitted angels and butterflies with me to Greensburg, KS to give to the children who lost their toys in the tornado. He would have slept with his favorite blue blanket and the little blue elephant that his cousin Nicci won for him. He would have entertained all of us with his actions as he sang, “This Little Light of Mine” or “Jesus Loves the Little Children”. He would have ran with enthusiasm to the alter to give the money for the children’s collection to Father Bill. He would have eaten his favorite item at G’s Custard, Chocolate Chocolate Chip Ice Cream with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups mixed in. He would have worn his green shoes until they had holes in them. He would have continued to say “I don’t know why they don’t use gloves at St. Jude when they change the tape” when talking about his Hickman. He would have stopped and smelled the roses, looked at the beauty in each and every day as he walked outside. He would have stayed inside on the 4th of July as the fireworks seemed to be too loud for him. He would have sat on Santa’s lap at Christmas telling him just exactly what it is he wanted. He would have continued to pray for God as he did one time at dinner. He would amaze us all with his kindness and grownup thoughts like the time at St. Jude when he told everyone he was thankful for his mom and dad and everyone being together and that everyone would get better. He would have smelled 18,404 chloraprep applicators that Ellen would sneak to his room. He would have looked at the little puppy and comment about its small penis not knowing it was actually a girl. He would have played with his friend Meghan, a student at KU Med who is probably now a doctor, hopefully a pediatrician. He would play with Megan and Kirstie. He would have checked each and every day at Target House for a new package and jump for joy when he got one. He would have jumped in the leaves with Janelle at the park and run down the airport terminal when he saw Janelle coming to visit. He would have eagerly waited to get his snack pack coupon so he could get his snack pack at the cafeteria at St. Jude. He would have said “Daaaad” as I would say “Snack Pack, Snack Pack” mocking “Dora the Explorer” when they said “Back Pack, Back Pack.” He would walk in the Light the Night Walk carrying a survivor’s balloon. He would fly a kite with Papa Feyh or roll down the hill with Papa Deghand. He would ride on Janelle’s back like a horse as Alexa would ride on mine. He would run from the study in our new house all the way down the hall to our room then run back to the study and jump on the purple couch. He would fish and smile with amazement when he caught a fish. He would be running around like crazy looking for Easter eggs. He would share some of his eggs with the kid next to him who didn’t get enough. He would dress up as a little pirate to match the rest of us on Halloween. He would go to the radio station with Radio Rich and Louann and all of them would wear their Mickey Mouse Ears that he got at Disney World and they could talk on the radio all day. He would have gone to World’s of Fun and rode the Snoopy Air Mail ride a bazillion times with Alexa. He would have cheered Alexa on in volleyball, basketball and softball. He would have eaten hotdogs and watermelon all summer long. He would have Rocky running around Nana and Papa Feyh’s house chasing him and jumping up on him. He would never eat at Kiku, the Japanese Steakhouse ever again after the fire scared him to death. He would have picked out the tallest and roundest Christmas tree for our house. He would have worn his light blue Croc’s and been relentless until he got his yellow Croc’s. He would have probably been sent to the hallway at school because he loved to socialize like his sister and he would be following in her footsteps. He would have gone to the gym with Janelle and Alexa to work out. He would go to Target saying he only wanted to look at the Thomas the Trains and when he found one he did not have he would look at me with sad eyes then clutch the train and begin to rise in excitement as he knew he had me. He would go with Janelle to Panera’s or as he called it the bagel shop ordering the exact same thing as Janelle and then he would order a cinnamon roll and have it put on a small plate. He would then carry it as if it were the most delicate thing in the world. He would not eat it but instead smell it and savor it. He would dress up in Alexa’s old dance costumes and put on a show for Alexa and her friends. He would go to the bakery and get a small cake with blue icing and never eat it instead putting it in the refrigerator and then proceed to check on it about every five minutes over the next several days. He would be the student as Alexa was the teacher. He would have loved the fact that his new room is connected to the bathroom and that it has two doors. He would go in one and out the other time and time again. He would hide in the pantry or in one of the kitchen cabinets to scare Janelle or Alexa. He would go sledding down the new driveway. He would have climbed his first tree. He would have helped anyone who needed it. He would have been pleased about all the people I met in Greensburg and Pratt and been genuinely concerned about their well being. He would have been a great spokesperson for Cancer research focusing on Leukemia. He would have enjoyed going out on our old rackety boat, falling overboard once or twice. He would have squirted Dr. Truworthy with a water gun and made Dr. Deb laugh and smile. He would have run around ‘Free as a Bird’ when he was not hooked up to machines. In plain simple terms he would have been Daegen.
Now that we know what Daegen would have done the past 2 years, the question is what have you done in those 2 years? I know I have not done enough and will try harder to be more like Daegen is. I say “is” and not “was” because even though he is not here on Earth, I can see him and feel him everyday. Daegen still is our son and still is doing the things he loved to do. I know Janelle and I owe it to Daegen to continue to live our lives as he would be living his, as he is living his. The butterflies I see, the clouds he makes into shapes, the rainbows that he is sliding down. If I could be more like Daegen I would maybe be able to make a difference. I would see the world in a different light. I would see as Daegen see’s the beauty of being simple. The wonderful colors, the wind blowing, the sun shining down warming my skin, the rain drop springing new life into the flowers and trees. I could see what really is important and what is just trivial. Daegen, you continue to amaze, you continue to educate, you continue to inspire, you continue to grow, you continue to love and you continue to be my HERO.
In honor of Daegen and 2nd Anniversary of his passing please take some time to sign the guestbook with your thoughts. Many of you sometimes simply reply to my e-mail but then everyone else does not have a chance to see your thoughts and kind words. The guestbook is a way for Janelle and I to grieve the loss of Daegen as we get a chance to see the impact he had on others. God Bless all of you.
Daegen, sweet boy, just as I prayed to you every night here it is. “Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep. Dear Jesus guide me through the night, help me see the morning light.” Sweet dreams Sweet Boy. I love you as does mom, Alexa and all of us here on Earth. May Your Wings Take You Home. You are Free as a Bird Son, Free as a Bird.
Love Lance, Janelle, Alexa and Angel Daegen
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